A Bowl of Elusive

I am not a fan of philosophy but I can't help speculating on certain concepts. The forbidden fruit, for instance. I have noticed it in myself, the urge to do things I am not supposed to. Its like right and wrong just seize to exist in that moment, that decisive moment when an opportunity to do something forbidden presents itself. I am a pretty level headed guy. I avoid rash decisions as much as possible. But I have done some crazy shit in my time, most of them because I wasn't supposed to do them and that made them irresistible. Be it a devilish greasy pizza loaded with cheese or your girlfriends flirty best friend, the urge to bite into the forbidden fruit comes in various shapes, sizes & forms. Someone once told me, "The best way to battle a temptation is to yield to it." I had laughed at the statement back then but now that I am older, I think that logic makes a lot of sense. I think not being able to resist the forbidden fruit is a basic instinct, ...

For as long as I can remember, I have been depressed. I look happy and at times, I really am. But the happiness doesn't last long. I go back to my state of dismay. I have tried to understand it and failed. Something inside me keeps me sad. And it doesn't change. I just get distracted from it for short periods of time.  The distractions come in various shapes and forms. In the beginning, it was a person. And then it was a crisis. Now, its stories, one after another. I have to immerse myself in fiction to stop feeling sad. The first distraction was a girl. And eventually, my fights with her kept me distracted. One crisis after another, I remember. We kept getting into trouble.  Over time, nobody else could distract me like she did. So I had to resort to other substitutes. Problems. I realized that I forget my depression when am in trouble. But eventually, I grew over that as well. I was getting 'too old for that crap". Ha ha. So I started watching movies ...

I don't claim to be an expert in anything. That would just be arrogance. But I write about things I have seen and experienced and hence I feel that I have the right to discuss it. I have spent the last year in the trade wing of a readymade garment brand. And I realised that all plans and agendas that are agreed upon in the beginning of a period are invariably flushed down the toilet by the end of that period. The bottom line is always sales. How much are we selling at the end? So much so that, for the company I work for, nothing else matters, not even the satisfaction of the buyer. And the most ridiculous thing about it all is the fact that the buyers are harangued to pay for goods that was billed to them without their full consent. Promises are made and not kept. And all this is done by the representatives of a very prestigious company. All this happens after months of endless reports, analysis and crunching of data. How can a company carry on neglecting the basi...

I think a month has passed since I last posted. I have been busy. Had to travel a lot in the past few weeks. But its all good. So the other day, my phone finally died. It had been a faithful companion for over two years. I knew its time was close so there wasn't much grief. I went online to find me a new companion. I chose the OnePlus One. In fact, I am posting from my phone right now. It feels quite wholesome. You know how negative I can get at times. So I was quite skeptical at first about this device. But the amazing specs won me over. Anyways I think I will come back with a review soon. For now, I just wanna let you all know that I am alive and kicking. Ciao!!

I have lived in a lot of cities. And I have travelled alone since I was 15. What made this possible was the fact that I speak well. I have no problem communicating with people when I travel. This makes everything easy. But today, I am at Bhadrachalam. Its a small town located on the AP-Telangana border and almost nobody understands Hindi or English. Telegu is the common language and I can't speak enough Telugu to even save my ass. I am here for work. But work becomes so tough when your associates can't make head or tail of what you're saying to them. I am screwed. I am actually calling up my associates in Hyderabad to help me with my conversations. What makes everything more complicated is my knack for micro-management. I like to see to it that my work is completed correctly, on time and I like confirming it with my own eyes. I barely ever delegate my work as I just can't trust anyone else with it. So here I am in this strange town, struggling to be ...

There are days like these when sleep eludes me. I'm not particularly stressed tonight but I just can't seem to get my head down on the pillow. What's that you're asking me?  Am I thinking about something? Hell yeah, I am. I am thinking about everything. I'm thinking about the one that got away. I am thinking about that cute classmate from school who texted me the other day. I am thinking about my grandma who's back at my ancestral house in Sambalpur and how she'd be waking up in another hour or so and would go about her morning rituals, prayers, etc. And I'm thinking about tomorrow. It's another day and it's dangerously close now. And I'm still awake. The problem with this scenario lies in the aftermath. I'm gonna be drowsy all day tomorrow. And I'll have chest pain due to gas. Gas. Kind of a gross topic to bring up on my blog, isn't it? Moving on... I haven't found time to work on my stories in weeks. ...

My teenage was slightly different than that of my peers. While they spent most of it obsessing over girls they couldn't get, I spent it obsessing over the girl that I had got. I had a steady girlfriend all through school and I spent most of my time with her. It seems kind of unlikely and hard to believe now but that’s how it was. I had described her in an earlier post and it led to people thinking that I was a major womaniser but that won’t be an accurate description. It was just one girl and it started pretty early on and lasted longer than usual. We were together for over six years, Megha (name changed) and I, and it was almost amazing. I say “almost” coz we ended things on really bad terms. When I look back now, I can be objective about it. I am older and a lot more mature than I was then. Like many people, I too take pleasure in analysing my past and thinking about how things could have been different. It’s a futile exercise, I am aware, but I can’t help it at times...