Of Birds & Bees...

If you have read my earlier posts, you'd know that I have a rather liberated view about everything sexual. A certain friend and I have had quite a few heated arguments on this matter. She thinks that I advocate perversion in the name of an open mind. But I beg to differ. I just shun the misguidance that is propagated by our culture. I am writing this article after the government's recent attempted ban on porn. A lot has been said about that online, so I will not put up my views on that matter. Instead, I will talk about sex in general and the way our society looks at it.

Right from an early age, we are directly or indirectly taught to think of anything related to sex as "bad/immoral". This, actually is the root of all evil, come to think of it. For instance, when you are asked to stay off junk food, that's when you crave it the most. The same applies to almost everything else. The only difference is that junk food is definitely harmful for us whereas sex is a very natural thing.

Sex is an older concept than marriage or society. It existed even when we hadn't learned to light a fire or make a wheel. How then can anyone say that sex before marriage is a sin? What about the men and women of the Stone Age? All of us have descended from them, haven't we? By the Indian society's definition, they were all sinners and deviants. So that makes all of us children of sin, one way or the other.

Forget the Stone Age, let us speak about today. The debate on sex and morality is very similar to the debate on vegetarianism and morality. India consists of one-sixth of the world's population. What gives us the right to declare anything immoral for the rest of the world? Some Indian women, for instance, take a lot of pride in their virginity. I say, good for them. But usually, they also believe that losing their virginity is bad. For some women raised in an extremely orthodox setting, it becomes impossible to shake that feeling away even after marriage. That's where it gets messed up.

Here, I am not even mentioning the cultural aspect of it. Beliefs pertaining to sex differ from culture to culture. We happen to be somewhere in the middle on a scale of puritanism. And even, then sometimes our beliefs lead to unhappy and unnecessarily messy relationships. I believe that sex is an integral part of marriage or any relationship between two unrelated adults for that matter.  

It all boils down to the hypocrisy that we pass on as common knowledge in India. We have hundreds of agencies promoting women's empowerment. Yet millions of Indian men believe that the major reasons for rape are the provocative clothes that women wear. Because of the fact that we have been raised to think of sex as wrong, we have lost the objectivity needed to differentiate between sex and rape. How is that helping the cause of women's empowerment?

If you are shunning sex, you should have the balls to abstain from it forever. I don't see anyone doing that. Men of the last generation were taught that masturbation was unhealthy. So they grew up thinking that getting sexually attracted to women was harmful to the body. The same men were later expected to have normal relationships with women. How is that possible? 

A couple of years back, there were so many MMS scandals surfacing on the internet. It was usually the same story. An older man filming an unsuspecting young girl coaxing her to sex. Why do you think that could happen? Because of ignorance. Because in India, we don't educate our children about sex, we scare them of it. Or we are all hush-hush about it, leading them to believe it's bad or at least objectionable. But hey people, meet my good friend, Hormones. He also goes by the name of "the Natual Order of Things". These kids when they grow up and develop raging hormones, find that they can only explore these topics with others who are either as clueless about it as themselves or some lustful older guys who use this as an opportunity to "score". As I have said in an earlier blog, not all sexual predators are pedophiles or perverts. Some of them are just sexually repressed and ignorant youngsters.

Now coming to my favorite topic of discussion, Sex Before Marriage. I know some women who firmly believe that sex before marriage is a sin and any girl who does it is a whore. This notion bugs me a lot. There are two things wrong with it. One, it is a stupid notion. Two, anyone who has this notion is saying 90% of women in the world are whores. And why would any such notion be limited to women alone? So, if the same is extended to men, then almost 100% of men are characterless according to these people, including myself. 

I grew up in a largely liberal environment and while growing up, I had enough space to explore things and their authenticity for myself. And hence, my views about these things are completely my own. I believe that sex is a natural act, we are all programmed to be sexually attracted to women and there is nothing wrong with sex in its natural form i.e. consensual sex between two adults. I believe that marriage as an institution, has no effect or moral implication on sex whatsoever. Supporting my point is the fact that all judiciary systems are recognizing marital rape as a crime nowadays. Also, premarital sex is not a crime. It's a choice. And everybody knows that a choice must be well-informed to be correct. Because all choices have consequences. Any girl choosing to have sex with a guy has all the right to do it. And also the responsibility for the consequences that might come with it. For instance, the possibility of an unwanted pregnancy, an STD, or any other adverse consequences. But that definitely doesn't make her a whore.

I am not even gonna get into the discussion about love and sex. It is a widely debatable topic and views vary on the matter. And everyone has the right to choose the school of thought they want to follow. But nothing justifies trying to get others to concede to your views forcefully. I am no preacher and this article is not a sermon. I am just putting up my views about things.