Sexual Abuse of Children…(Part 2: The Predator)

As promised, here I am with the second part of this article. Let us talk about the sexual predator our kids face. We need to know what we are up against to fight it better. This is a sensitive topic and we need to eradicate all misinformation from our minds. I will sketch a character profile here, drawing inspiration from my own experiences and that of many people I know.

There would be many readers who when they hear the phrase “Sexual Abuse of Children” will instantly imagine a pedophile. (A pedophile is a person who is sexually attracted to children.) But this isn't always the case with people who abuse children.

To understand this better, we have to first get over the misconception that rape is committed out of lust. Rapists are almost never sex addicts, they are violent aggressive and disturbed people, and the purpose of rape is never just sexual gratification. Similarly, child abusers aren't always driven by attraction to children.

Terrifying as it is, this means that almost anyone around you could be sexually abusing your kid. It could be a complete stranger like a drifter or a friend of yours, a peon at your kid’s school, a tutor, or maybe your neighbor’s teenager kid.

Rape is usually violent and hence, easier to detect. But sexual abuse is more complicated than that. Kids are simple and will scream if subjected to violence. Hence, they are usually nudged and coaxed into abuse. Thats because in a majority of cases, it is done by someone they know, someone their parents trust and hence, someone they have learnt to respect.

This makes the whole incident so much more difficult for the kids to reveal to their parents. And it scars the children, often for life.

I am no expert in psychology, so I will not be able to tell you what motivates a person to abuse an innocent child. But I can categorize a few of abuser profiles:

• The Teenager: This could be a cousin, the neighbor’s kid, a babysitter or even a sibling at times. They target the really little ones. These are kids driven by hormones or sometimes by sheer perverted minds. Either ways, they themselves are confused about what they are doing. For most victims, these abusers are easier to forget and forgive but confuse their sexuality for life,
• The Neighbour: This is usually a single adult from the neighborhood that you sometimes appoint to watch your child. In India, sex isn't very easy to find and such young people are sometimes morally ambiguous & frustrated enough to try something with a child. They might sweet talk your kid into letting it be ”their little secret”.
• The Lusty Old Man: Your teenagers are at the most risk from these abusers. These are mostly married older men who behave inappropriately with young teenage girls. It could be how they touch her, hug her, etc. It could be happening right in front of your eyes. You’d only find out if your child speaks up.
• The Teacher/Personal Tutor: These are the worst kind of predators. Because you expect them to be nurturing and protective of your children. They are mostly driven by their perverted minds and coax young individuals into shameful deeds.

These are just a few illustrations and there can be a hundred different variations to each of these. Most of these experiences leave a child confused, ashamed and sometimes, if the experience was too traumatic, the child tries to believe he/she enjoyed it to make it less painful.

An experience of sexual abuse will lead to an array of confusing emotions. It is important that apart from encouraging our kids to be open with us, we must also watch out for any symptoms that might arise from such an experience. We have to train our minds, as parents, to be able to notice even small things, like loss of appetite, change in sleep patterns and change in behavior towards animals.

And we have to win their confidence by sheer support and open behavior, so that they feel comfortable enough to confide in us if they are facing such demons in our society.

They say that many abused individuals go on to become abusers themselves. Hence, its even more important for us to put an end to such horrors. Opening up our minds to sex and understanding our children is just Step One.

In the next part of this article, I will talk about the kind of emotional turmoil a victim of sexual abuse goes through. And how it stays with them for life, often shaping the kind of person they become. Stay tuned to my blog.