A Bowl of Elusive

I am not the man of your dreams. I am not the man of any girl's dream for that matter. I was just browsing my FB wall and I came across the picture of a cousin with her husband, where she is singing and her hubby is playing the guitar and I thought to myself, "These guys are such a well-suited match." And that reminded me of the several times my girlfriend wanted to do something that I wasn't really into. Like visit a local monument or go furniture shopping. Hence, the realization. I am a rather boring person who isn't interested in a lot of things. I spend a crazy amount of time being stressed out about my job. Very few things actually make me happy and lately, I have been becoming more anti-social than ever. My pessimism has helped me cultivate a somewhat practical approach that's required for my job but other than that, it has affected all other aspects of my life negatively. I have traced the source of all my cynicism back to my college days. T...

I was born at the Air Force base in Chandigarh. My father left the force a couple of years after my birth and we moved around the country while he worked various jobs. Then after he died, I came to live with my grandparents in my hometown. I was ten years old. By this time, I had formed a somewhat confused identity due to all the places I’d lived in, and putting down roots seemed a little difficult. I would constantly feel like an outsider. I spoke my native tongue like I spoke my second and third languages, clearly but maybe “too clearly for a local guy”. And this affected the way I was perceived in school. People found me weird, I guess, however much I tried to seem normal. It was tough to make friends. I went to a lot of trouble initially to make people happy in the hope of securing their friendship in return. But I soon realized that they just thought I was being too needy. So, I stopped trying so hard. I stopped trying like 15 years ago. And that shaped my personality f...

I am a little surprised at the things that are happening in the country today. Controversies are like a dime a dozen. All of us have established a set of people that we end up blaming for whatever we aren't okay with. And life goes on. In such political instability, I often ask myself questions regarding patriotism. Am I a patriot? I really don't think so. Please hear me out before you chew my head off for this statement. If we agree that Shaheed Bhagat Singh and Netaji were patriots, then we must accept that you and I are not. Our times are different from theirs and so are our motivations. I wake up every morning and the first thing I do is worry about my day. I think about how to get through the various struggles that come up due to my work. I worry about my salary, my bills, due dates, taxes and providing for my household. What I don't worry about is whether Aamir Khan’s statement is justified or not. I don't worry about whether my neighbour is a ...

I met her 14 years ago. I used to be a wide-eyed optimistic pre-teen back then. My grandfather was driving me to her place. I was supposed to borrow notes from her. Being 11, I had never had a girlfriend. So I kind of psyched myself up to believe that "I'll make her my girl". Positive visualization, I guess. And this was even before we actually met. Then we did. She was a girl. Looked a little older for her age, she had curly hair like mine and I'd noticed none of that back then. Because she was a girl and I was too busy trying to turn my "charm" on. God, it's been so long. Now I don't even remember where that "charm" lies. Anyway, my trick must have worked. We clicked. Even before her giggling friends inadvertently let me know that she was into me, we were spending quite a bit of time with each other. I had chalked it up to the fact that we had a lot in common in terms of background and habits. Then I found out that she lik...

Majedar, one of my best friends is not speaking to me right now. Why? Because the last time I was in our hometown, I didn't call him up. Instead, I happened to call another friend, Keshav and inquired about Majedar's whereabouts. When Keshav informed me that Majedar wasn't in town, I saw no point in bothering him, so I didn't call. So, Majedar, the drama queen that he is, took offense and hasn't spoken to me since. "Majedar" is not a name, by the way. It mean "enjoyable" in Hindi. The word resembled his surname, so we ended up calling him that for fun. We all have that one friend who's a little dramatic. For me, that's Majedar. We have been friends since the eighth grade. We were a a lot close-knit group of 3 to 5 friends who spent a lot of time together in school. And after school ended, even though, all of us moved to different places and pursued varied careers, we still stay in touch. I've realized over time that childh...

"Kritika" & I: A Long Time Ago An old flame (Lets call her Kritika!) recently felt insulted when I referred to her as "an underdog" in one of my articles. This surprised me. She missed the whole essence of my writing. When I call you an "underdog", you must take it as a compliment. Because I myself am an underdog. I have always been one. I wrote back to her, "Its the underdogs of the world who actually rule it." I totally stand by that philosophy.  Anyway, the whole incident kinda got me thinking. I've written about all the significant people who've shared part of my life with me, except Kritika. That's not fair, is it? So here it is. Long term relationships are like drugs. You get addicted to them. You get addicted to the comfort level that you share with that person. You get addicted to being desired. So when you break up with that person, it feels like withdrawal and you start craving for "the drug". Lon...

While so many schools of thought insist upon the limitless nature of man's aptitude, I have been recently questioning my own. Being in a corporate setting has been getting on my nerves lately. I have been having a hard time coping with the way businesses are conducted in our country. Services are promised but not delivered. Payments are promised but not made on time. Corporations overwork the front line employees while the top level managers just work with numbers and not necessarily in the interest of the organization. Legitimate arguments are not heard and unrealistic expectations are put forward. I have seriously started questioning myself whether I am cut out for this. I believe in doing things well. I believe in success that can be sustained and not just success that is just an Excel spreadsheet. I'm horrified at the idea of becoming the CEO or Director of a Company that's just working in numbers. Maybe I just don't have it in me. I read this articl...