My Troubled Roomie...

Around the year 2011, I suddenly realized that I was a grown up. My last year of college was coming to an end and I had to find a job and start earning soon. It was all becoming very real very fast. College had been a hell of a ride. Not all good (like I have told you earlier) but not all bad either. And soon, I was immersed in another life and never looked back.

Not until recently, when a fellow mate from the first year of college accused me of having played a pivotal role in making his college experience traumatic. His message read: "May God forgive you for all the bad that you did to me during our stay at Goa." This got me thinking. As far as I remembered, this was a scrawny little fellow who was bullied very often due to his small size and a knack of getting on people's nerves with his weird behavior.

I myself was victimized very often in college and with so much shit of my own to deal with, I never stopped to consider how this guy must be feeling about what he was going through. There was this one time when he kept on bothering me about something trivial and I had lost my temper. I had placed a knife on his throat to scare him. More shit had ensued with him trying to threaten to report me to college authorities. But he didn't. And frankly, I had not felt guilty about anything that I'd done.

And now after 4 years, here he was, blaming me for making him "suicidal". I just didn't know how to deal with this. And hence, the retrospection began. I never participated in bullying him in college. Neither did I ever try to stop anyone from doing it. How could I? These were my peers poking fun at another peer. Frankly, I had no idea that these things were affecting him so badly.

When he first accused me, I lashed out at him: "College was tough on all of us. Quit being a baby about it." I didn't realize that he was still going through rough phases due to the things that happened 7 years ago, not until I came across this message that his sister had sent to me. She implored me to help her understand what her brother went through in college so that she could help in his counselling. I felt a surge of pity for him when I read this.

But what could I do about it now? I assured his sister that I'd be glad to help him in anyway I could but she never wrote back. I just wish he is fine. Letting go of things is a difficult task for all of us. I guess bad things affect some people harder than others. Even if I could live through those days again, I could still not be able to be a "savior" for him. That's just how life is.

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