A Bowl of Elusive

When I woke up in the morning, I was ‘feeling low’. I didn’t feel like going to work. I couldn’t get out of bed as much as I tried. So, I texted my boss that I wasn’t well and I couldn’t come in. He didn’t read the text right away and every passing moment scared me some more. I dropped a few more texts in my team Whatsapp group asking for certain reports and stuff, things I do every day. And then kept staring at the phone waiting for that text from my boss. After a while, his screen indicated that he was typing. I started panicking. What if he asks me to give more details about what was wrong with me? I was bad at lying, I had always been bad at lying. The phone pinged and he’d sent an “ok”. I breathed a sigh of relief and collapsed back on my bed. An hour later, I woke up from a bad dream. That’s when I got a call from one of my stressors. “Stressors” are people/things that invoke anxiety in me. A term I learned from my psychiatrist back in 2015. I suffer from an anxiety disord...

In one of my earlier posts, I had revealed that I suffer from a condition called Generalized Anxiety Disorder. It’s a very common mental disorder where the patient experiences severe, ongoing anxiety that interferes with daily activities. Now I have spoken about it to many of my friends and acquaintances and the usual reactions are on the line of “try-to-calm-down” or “relax-its-all-in-your-mind”. What people fail to understand is the extreme nature of stress that I experience. EVERYTHING STRESSES ME OUT. WebMD says “Generalized Anxiety Disorder (or GAD) is characterized by excessive, exaggerated anxiety and worry about everyday life events with no obvious reasons for worry. People with GAD tend to always expect disaster and can’t stop worrying about health, money, family and work. The worry is often unrealistic or out of proportion for the situation. Daily life becomes a constant state of worry, fear and dread. Eventually the anxiety so dominates the person’s thinking that it ...

While so many schools of thought insist upon the limitless nature of man's aptitude, I have been recently questioning my own. Being in a corporate setting has been getting on my nerves lately. I have been having a hard time coping with the way businesses are conducted in our country. Services are promised but not delivered. Payments are promised but not made on time. Corporations overwork the front line employees while the top level managers just work with numbers and not necessarily in the interest of the organization. Legitimate arguments are not heard and unrealistic expectations are put forward. I have seriously started questioning myself whether I am cut out for this. I believe in doing things well. I believe in success that can be sustained and not just success that is just an Excel spreadsheet. I'm horrified at the idea of becoming the CEO or Director of a Company that's just working in numbers. Maybe I just don't have it in me. I read this articl...