Its 3:41 AM & I'm Still Awake...

There are days like these when sleep eludes me. I'm not particularly stressed tonight but I just can't seem to get my head down on the pillow. What's that you're asking me?  Am I thinking about something? Hell yeah, I am.

I am thinking about everything.

I'm thinking about the one that got away. I am thinking about that cute classmate from school who texted me the other day. I am thinking about my grandma who's back at my ancestral house in Sambalpur and how she'd be waking up in another hour or so and would go about her morning rituals, prayers, etc.

And I'm thinking about tomorrow. It's another day and it's dangerously close now. And I'm still awake. The problem with this scenario lies in the aftermath. I'm gonna be drowsy all day tomorrow. And I'll have chest pain due to gas.

Gas. Kind of a gross topic to bring up on my blog, isn't it? Moving on...

I haven't found time to work on my stories in weeks. I barely find time to jot something down for these blogs. And I'm thinking about that too, the long-term dream of being published and maybe famous eventually as an author. At 3:41 am, these thoughts start creeping up. Thoughts like I'm slipping away from my dreams towards a life of following mundane orders and being ordinary.

"What's wrong with being ordinary?" An earlier girlfriend had once asked me this. Theoretically, nothing. I just worry that I might die one day and nobody would notice. Well, that could still happen even if I make it big in life. Because people don't really care about people.

I had this realization way back in college and my personality changed. Because I figured, no point caring about myself if no one else gives a shit. And life was cool after that. I felt less lonely. I didn't hanker much for attention after that. It all went well until I was in a long-term relationship.

No matter how much I care for my girlfriend, she finds me distant and sometimes indifferent. And she says it's because I don't love myself enough. Bummer, right? Funny how things go around and then come around. It's all loopy.

Speaking of loopy, I think I might be getting a little droopy. 

So, good night, kind people. Ciao!


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