Of Problems and Solutions (That 87mb Excel File)

While I sat there working on that 87 mb excel sheet, I couldn't for the life of me, figure out how to represent the data I had to. I had put in some tags and now I didn't remember why I'd put them. Even a simple copy paste function was taking several minutes. This problem was just not getting resolved. So I just closed the file, without saving it.

I took a leak, drank some water and came back. Then I started fresh on the file. I put in new tags, named them so that I won't forget their purpose, jotted down my thought process and I was done with the file an hour later.

This got me thinking about starting fresh. So many times in our lives we keep on persevering on things that aren't going well. We keep trying to find solutions while repeating the same mistakes. It's like if I kept on creating more pivot tables in the 87 mb file, bumping it by another 20-30 mb so that it would hang more and waste more of my time, instead of closing it and starting fresh.  

Maybe all we need is a break, some water and a fresh perspective. Maybe that's the key to finding solutions to all problems.

Or one could just walk away from the problem altogether. Which I couldn't do to the file, because it was my job. I was kind of married to it.

Anyways, saying you'd start fresh is something and actually doing it is something else altogether. Also if you're dealing with an excel file, it's easier to start fresh. What if you were dealing with a failed marriage? What if you and your spouse had developed so many differences that you'd separated due to them? How do you start fresh in that case? How do you forget all the times your other half hurt you, made you feel small and significant or neglected?

More often than not, you'll just end up with the same blame game that led to you going your separate ways. If you couldn't keep your egos aside for 2 seconds to save your marriage the last time, what makes you think discussing it further would help?

Before you begin prepping for a fresh start, you just need to ask yourself the following questions:

1. Does this deserve the effort?

2. How to begin & what to do?

Now I am not an expert on anything really, so I'll let you decide if starting fresh is worth it.

(Now its important that I point this out at this point in time. You don't need to solve anything. Maybe walking away is the solution.)

But in case you do think you have to start fresh, here's how to go about it -

Close the file - Meaning, forget whatever happened till now. Its easier said than done. While I was in the washroom after closing that file, I kept on thinking about the file and stressing out, until I had that glass of water and relaxed my mind. So you may consider letting go of how you were treated and hope your spouse forgets how you treated him/her.

Allign Your Objective - So I thought about the problem in hand. And decided in how to approach it. I jotted down my points. In your case, think about what made you mad the last time? What do you want to be done differently? Maybe you wanted more romance? What would YOU need to do to make that happen? Maybe it's as simple as recognising what wasn't working so that you begin changing it on the next go.

Manage your expectations - I didn't reopen the file expecting to find a solution right away. I knew it would take an hour more. You need to understand and accept that things won't go back to normal. Because normal was clearly not working.

Start Fresh - I put in more tags, each dealing with a separate part of the problem. I could have blamed my laptop's RAM, the person who gave me the problem, but none of those things would have helped. So in your case, stop feeling like it was someone's fault and be practical about it. It didn't work, what can you do about it? It maybe as simple as starting from zero.

There's a 3 day weekend coming up. Maybe take her out somewhere. But see, that's jumping the gun. Starting fresh means she isn't your spouse. You need to go on your first date, you need to flirt on the phone, you need to actually like her enough to ask her on a little trip.

Only then can you move towards falling in love. And yes, be prepared for disappointments. Most probably this 3 day weekend would be a no go. Don't let that dishearten you. There's another one in November.

Also, maybe if you start fresh, you'd be introduced to some of the problems you had faced earlier and look at them differently. Maybe you'll be able to appreciate his efforts better. Maybe giving up those vices would be easy if you fell in love again. Or maybe not. But you'd have atleast  tried.

Now, I am married to my job, so I couldn't walk away from that 87mb excel file, but if you have already walked out of your marriage once, you know you can do it again. So what have you got to lose by trying once more? If that doesn't work, maybe just stay separated and find happiness in other things.